Oh, hey! Yeah, so…

…about that thing…


Well, what about–

Er. Yep.

I got nothing.

I had a drink or two last night and woke up this afternoon with a skinned knee, a mouth that tasted like store brand popcorn and the faint recollection of having done something dumb in a supermarket, with little to justify my half-remembered idiocy other than that I’m 23 and what are you gonna do.

I feel like there’s a name for drinking past the point of actually enjoying yourself or being capable of having an intelligent thought or interesting conversation with anyone that isn’t your parents’ half-asleep dog on the kitchen floor (and even then she’s hardly the most sparkling conversationalist).


Nah, that’s not it. It’s like when you keep doing the same thing over and over again but expect a different outcome.


Nuh-uh, doesn’t sound quite right. Something to do with kidding yourself into thinking that things’ll work out if you just stay the same and don’t attempt to change because the problems in your life clearly come from without, not within.

“Delusionally solipsistic?”

Yeah, you’re right. I shouldn’t worry about it. Did you say something about a Calipso? I’d love one, cheers.

“…You’re going to die alone.”

No, I don’t think you’re too fat. You’re just the right amount of fat. I should go for a run. Bye!

[*This post’s title should be duly be credited to my friends Dan, David and Chris. It wasn’t a team project, I just don’t remember exactly which one of them coined the delightful portmanteau and I’ll be damned if I have to start making fact-checking phone calls for bullshit blog posts.]

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